There is only 13 nights to my grand departure....I can feel the excitement rushing through my whole body...
As I have been a little bit ill this past week, and had to take some time out of my active lifestyle of running and especially biking, I had time to really sit back and think about my life - the meaning and whole purpose of it.
I realize, that I really do live very active lifestyle,what comes to keep on moving around and about.
I have this gut feeling, that should something happen, which would prevent me from biking and living on this home on the wheels, it would quite literally destroy me - that would destroy my spirit and will of living - it would definetely take off that fire from my heart - that passion for life, which is my fuel to go on and wake up every single day.
Any major serious injury, or permanent illness, which would make me paralyzed or anything like that, is my worst nightmare.
I am not afraid to die, but I am petrofied if I have to be stuck here without able to move freely and independently.
So - worst case scenario, if that would happen to me, I really hope something or someone would finish the job for good!
To a bit happier tone.....:) the previous chapter was slightly mortal...
I am asked often, what possesses me to keep on moving - almost to a point of obsession.
I am not trying to run away of anything, that would be pointless - because whatever you run away from, it'll always catch up with you.
I strongly feel with every single core of my body, that this is just meant to be - this is who I am....
I have watched that movie " Into the wild " many many times, and it is so inspirational to me. It has a sad ending of course, but other than that, it really talked to me very strongly.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Into_the_Wild_(film)
I relate so strongly to that main character and how he feels, and what he does - it's like that movie is partly made of me....
Iam also fed up to this society - its ridiculous invisible rules and expectations.
How we all should fit to a certain category, live a certain way - and God forbid - not be too different from the rest of the pack....
The material society - cars, houses, closets full of clothes etc.....all those norms and regulations and manners....it just drives me nuts...I can't stand any of it...I feel so often that I don't even belong to this planet - who I am and where I am coming from?
Now don't get me wrong here - I am a law obedient person, I haven't done anything illegal nor I am planning to do such things, why would I want to give up my freedom by doing something stupid.
And freedom - that is my most valued gift along health ( and of course my beautiful sons <3 ).
" Red Devil " - my dear, loyal bicycle
It is just a bike, says everybody, that it is not living being..I know that - but it sure as heck feels like it anyway.
This beauty gives me that sense of freedom and movement, what I need so badly. I feel so alive, when I get to go out with her - on the road again...
In addition to my bike, tent and sleeping bag, a bit of clothes to keep me warm and dry - and food to give the energy level up, is all that I really need.
Honestly - if I somehow would find a way to live like that - cycling and sleeping in tent and going from one place to another with red devil, I would do it in a blink.
I hate timetables, calendars, schedules, and running with the clock - it freaks me out.
I have somehow managed to give a good fight back with this system based on money and material, but everyday it gets harder - not because I would be getting weaker, but because this society is building up more and more expectations for us humans - we always have to be more efficient time and money wise - and once we are not efficient enough, we are put aside and left alone - physically and emotionally exhausted.
I won't tolerate that - this is MY life!!!! I am the captain of this ship, and I say what I tolerate or not, and I refuse to be part of this recent system, where people are used and then dumped like a bag of garbage.
I hate to see, what is happening around me - the nature and the animals, how they are suffering too - this is a greedy world - and the weakest ones are being stampeded.
As long as I have any strenght in my body and emotinally, I am strongly and stubbornly going my own path - it takes courage to do that, because there are always obstacles - people who try to complicate my life, but I keep doing what my heart says is right for me -
I live here only once - so i may as well make it a damn good one!
And one day - I will find a solution, how to make that last piece of my dream possible -the main thing is, that I believe in it and even more important, that I believe in myself.
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