Siniharmaa huopa

Älä kääri minua pumpuliin,
kääri minut karhean pehmeään huopaan.
Huopaan, jossa tuoksuu meri ja sinä.
Huopaan, joka on harmaan sininen,
kuin silmäsi, jotka lempeästi katsovat minua.

Laske minut hellästi matolle.
Matolle, jonka päällä olen ottanu levottomia askeleita odottaessani sinua kotiin tyrskyävältä mereltä.

Sytytä minussa se kynttilä,
jonka liekin jo luulin kerran sammuneen, mutta jonka elvytit loistamaan kirkkaampana kuin koskaan.

 Älä kääri minua pumpuliin,
kääri minut käsivarsiesi suojaan.

Anneli Laulumaa 20.4.2019

Coded to my cells - the wanderlust gene

Coded to my cells - the wanderlust gene

  It is there, part of me, just as my blue eyes and my Caucasian skin tone - the wanderlust gene.
Nomadic blood rushes through my veins, restless feet and soul keeps me moving around, from one place to another.

 I am not running away from anything,
I am not searching myself or any such things.

I am just a curious soul , who thrives to be on the road, who loves to seek and explore, get lost on the road less-known...

  It is who I am, so there is no point denying it.
There is no point trying to captivate me in order to try to control me.
It won't work, I tell you that.
Because like a force of nature, I would find the tiniest of cracks and just let myself loose from the prison you put me in.
I am not meant to live on one place for eternity, I am meant roam free like wild horses on the vast open spaces.
I am meant to fly high on the blue skies like the mighty eagle.
If you try to captivate me, if you try to control me or mold me , you would kill me....
because every breath I would have to take in your cell, being prisoned for your pleasure, would be one breath closure of my death by misery.

 Learn to love me for who I am,
learn to appreciate me without the need of controlling me.
I am the force of nature,
impossible to captivate, impossible to tame.
My place is where my heart is - wandering free, as my nomadic soul should be.

A woman comfortable of her own sexuality- a curse or a blessing

  A woman comfortable of her own sexuality - a curse or a blessing

 

 Well, there's a pickle for you.
You would think, that in 2019 Finland this subject wouldn't even need to be an issue - but it is.
If not a total tabu, it is still something, that raises questions and eye-brows.

 While it is totally fine for men to have several sexual partners during their lives, it is not at all the case, when it comes to women.
A man with active sexual life and many partners is called a stud, while a woman with similar sexual activity is called a whore, it is frowned upon, it is just not OK.
 There is some equality there for you...or not.

  And why is a woman, who is independent, comfortable in her own body and who is not hiding her sexuality, a threat?
Why is it a threat especially for men?
Why does she have to hide herself and her true being, why can' t she celebrate her womanhood, her desires and needs without being called names and ridiculed?

 
 I am a woman, soon to be 49 years old, have my battle - scars and bruises, both physical and emotional.
But with all those little faults on my personality and body, I am proud of who I am today.
I am not hiding my presence, not dimming the lights , for I am allowed to shine brightly.

 I am beautiful creature, with all the curves what I have.
I am a woman in every essence of my being.
I have nurtured life inside me, I have given birth to 2 beautiful human beings, and I have fed them.

 Now I stand here, with naked soul and naked body, not willing to hide any of it anymore.

I will not apologise my desires, my dreams, my needs, since there is nothing wrong with them, nothing to be ashamed of.
Intimacy, passion, making love....it is as natural as breathing, as beautiful as a sunrise.

  So yes, I will happily surrender to the arms of passion once again, when I meet my " dance partner".
I will joyfully enjoy the quickie on the kitchen, or embrace the opportunity laying naked whole day enjoying each others, old movies and pizza.
 And once we are done, the only thing I will be wearing is my smile and the warm body on top of me.
 Guilty - heck no! Happy and satisfied - oh yeah, you better believe it!!

Being strong - the only choice I had to survive

Being strong , the only choice I had to survive

 Strenght - I wasn't born strong.
Nor did I just wake up one morning feeling incredibly strong.
It was not something, that just came easily with a silver platter.
Yet - it certainly is seen that way by many people, who I have come across during my life.

  I am strong, because I had to learn to take care of myself at a very young age.

I am strong, because I have hit the rock bottom many times,and yet I found the energy and the will-power to claw myself up from the hole, get back on my feet and move on.
I am strong, because it was the only choice I had to survive.
I am strong, because I have worked tirelessly and without saving any tears or sweat to become ,who I am today.

  So don' t make assumptions, that it was given to me as a birth- gift.
Don' t use my strenght against me as a weapon, you don' t have a right to do that,you were not there by my side during my battles.

And don' t be mistaken, that being strong is a synonyme for being harsh or emotionally cold person, because it is not.

A real strong person is sensitive, very capable for love and affection.
Strong person can also show her/ his weaknesses and vulnerability, even though by experience they have learned not to trust just anybody.

  So don' t mis- use the word strong, only if you feel uncomfortable with yourself.
Do your homework, learn to know yourself and appreciate yourself, build up your self-esteem, one step at the time.
You can be strong too, anyone can - but it takes guts, endurance and the will, it is not a free dinner.

 I am strong, and I am not using it as a weapon against me or anybody else. I am using my strenght as my super-power for making things happen to me, for making my dreams to become true.