Carpe diem

Carpe diem - seize the moment

 Well, since it is the very last day of this year 2016, maybe it is time to take a deep breath and reflect a bit what has happened during this year.
It has been quite a year for me, very challenging year more ways so than one, and it has taken a toll naturally.
People have been coming in and going out of my life like saloon doors, back and forth....
Some left behind nothing but desert dust, others thankfully also lovely memories.
It still seems to be, that I am a handful for many people - especially for those, who don't value honesty and straight-forward attitude.
Yeah, I am far from perfect and I make my mistakes, but I have the guts and decency to apologize when I have behaved badly.
It is a whole different story how my apology has been received, it has been thrown back  at my face for more than once, but that tells volumes about the other person more than of me.
Mostly I seem to be a thorn in the butt to those certain people, who haven't got the admiration and attention they were probably expecting from me, and the egos got bruised ....too bad, what can I do..c'est la vie, eh?

But, every cloud has the silver lining. At the end of the year, there are still those real friends left, who I can always trust and whose friendship I truly value.
So I am lucky, and blessed ❤.
They love me with all my faults and stand by me in the stormiest times, they don't just vanish the moment the ride goes rough, they hold tight on the reelings and ride the storm with me.
They are also tvose people, who deserve to be by my side, when it is time for smooth sailings and amazing sunsets.

 Oh yeah, back to this year....
It was quite a rollercoaster ride, definetely not for fainthearted.
It gave me many lessons, tough ones too, but it gave me fantastic experiences just to balance the year a bit.
I spent lovely time with my son❤, whom I love soooo much, and whom I carry in my heart with me all the time, everywhere I go.
I got to witness my dear friend's happy day, when she said her vows and married the man, who she so deeply loves ❤.
I had super adventures and learnt new things along the way, met nice people and my heart got so many pawprints that are left there for good.

Even though there has been a long dry spell moneywise, been unemployed and un-appreciated, I would still say that rather than poor, I am only financially challenged.
I can not use the word poor by any means, after all I have never been homeless nor left hungry, I am also healthy and I have a freedom to go as I please wherever I want to go....
Of course having a thin wallet and at the same time passion for adventures, it takes certain amount of creativity and boldness, courage and a bit of good luck too, to make it all happen.
I have all that, and then some....
I also have the curiosity and passion for life, and that keeps me going even those bad times.
And the fact, that I am not afraid to dive into deep murky waters in my head, I am constantly learning new things of myself and gain more self-confidence on the journey.

As the year went along and got into december, I had managed to steer my little boat to safe harbour to relax a bit before new seas..
The green pastures, blue skies and the calm waters ga ve me a sense of belonging to somewhere again, which is luxury.
Most of the time, I don't really feel that I would belong anywhere, more likely being this drifting log -not completely home anywhere.
Actually, where I am never lonely, is the road itself..
When I am moving from one place to another, whether I am running or biking or on the bus etc, that's when I feel the most comfortable.
But that's okay too...
I am glad that I don't get lonely that often, it is not a nice feeling, it is overwhelming. It comes like this huge wave and pushes you under, to make you feel out of breath. It is scary and tiring,and sucks the air out of your lungs, but at some point you get back the control and start swimming to the surface to catch some air.
And once you pop up to surface again, breathing heavily, you realize that you survived again.

I survived 2016, bruised, tired, but alive and kicking. I got pushed down, but I got up on my feet every time.
And that, my friends, that is being successful.

Have a fantastic, adventurous and loved new year 2017 ❤

Ann O ' Songland